I’m currently working on a book, and with that book comes editing and revisions. Never in my life did I think I would realize how truly mentally tolling it was to revise a novel. This really is my first time sticking to a draft, let me rephrase that–sticking to a decent draft of my novel.
I’ve always considered working on my novel as “work”, because I am working on it for many hours of the day. Now that I’ve gotten a job, I’ve noticed that it’s beginning to feel like I’m constantly working. I know I have free time, but in the free time I have, I’m choosing to work on my novel. So there will literally be days where I’ll just be so mentally exhausted and I’ll have moments where I’m like “Why are you tired? You literally sat in front of a computer for 5+ hours.”
You know, I thought writing the first draft was hard and then I started to do revisions. To quote my critique partner Ruby Rumsey , “Revision is a Beast”. It’s kind of strange because now that I’ve been hit really hard with revisions, I feel like I’m a real writer. My logic is like, you have to feel the struggle and pain that comes from writing a book, before you can call yourself a writer.
Now, what’s been really getting to me lately is my word count. It honestly feels like I’m in high school again because I’m stressing over going over the maximum word count. It’s not that my book has a maximum word count, the reason why I’m stressing is because of one thing–Literary Agents. People keep saying–you shouldn’t query an agent with a novel that’s over 100,000 words and I’m sitting here panicking.
What I will say that is currently below 90,000 words due to scene and chapter cuts, but I’m kind of panicking because I do not feel like I can tell my story properly without going over 100,000 words. So I’m also now just sitting here—HOPING that if I do ever get the privilege to get published that they’ll let me go over 100,000 words. Do you know what else I’m sitting here doing? Mentally talking to the non-existent book people like “You expect me to write a full on fantasy story and build an entire proper fantasy world in less than 100,000 words? IN YOUR DREAMS.”
I do understand the reasons behind this limit however. I’m just very stubborn and refuse to accept it. Who knows, maybe I might be able to do it–but as of right now I do not have the confidence to properly tell my story in less than 100,000 words.
Speaking of stories, I’ve recently decided to scrap a rather big sub-plot in my book. You know what that means? More cuts and I now have to physically search for any trace of that sub-plot and kill it. Like how the night king killed Viserion. I was trying to avoid cutting it like it was the freaking plague, but that totally didn’t happen.
Throughout this, I’ve noticed I have to give myself mental pep talks. I’m sitting in front of my computer like “YOUR STORY IS GETTING KIND OF BETTER. THIS IS FOR THE BEST.” There are also moments where I doubt myself and consider dropping the whole book, then I remember my 12 year old self’s dream–and I’m just like DAMN IT.
Anyway, these are my current thoughts on revisions…It’s a mess.
Thanks for reading!